What does it matter to be dead or alive?

witkin
Joel-Peter Witkin

 

Where do I come from? How did I get here? I am at present time working in New York City as a makeup artist for MAC cosmetics at the #1 MAC in the world, I am also balancing my artistic pursuits in creating one of a kind art dolls for the desecerning client. I am blessed to have the life I have now and I am working on building that life. Everything I have done, everything I have accomplished I did it with my own ambition and passion. On my own, absolutely no family help or encouragement.

My journey has been long and great. I’m 31 years old I do not feel my age, for one because at this age in society, it is defined as having a family and career yada yada. I’m redefining that idea into – I am 31 rings old! Meaning I have 31 years of rings on my body like a tree. What is age anyway but a meter on experience, with every year more is learned. I actually have this strong memory of when I was around 8 rings old, and I would stare up into the sky in the back of a car that I was traveling in Los Angeles and think to myself what is the meaning of life. Why do people do anything? What does it matter if we are dead or alive?. And then I thought to myself, well I am ready to die so I will know what the meaning behind all of this is. There must be a reason, a purpose? Well, I remember feeling and knowing in my gut that when we die we will instinctively know the why and hows of it all!. That we will not need to ask anyone but we will in fact just KNOW. Because we already knew, but forgot when we started life on this planet. There I was –  as a gloomy little mute child. Never spoke a word to anyone until I was well into high school. Children thought I didn’t know english, and I would just ignore them.

Picture 20
Imogen Heap in “My Secret Friend” IAMX

In a way I believe I have always felt old. I choose to strongly observe the worlds around me, rather than be a part of them. I did not see a reason to participate. I thought everything was ridiculous and people did not make any sense, people are cruel, crazy and unkind. Through my years as an artist journeying through self discovery and getting past negative childhood memories and attachments. We all have these in one form or another, no matter what we are born into it is up to us to grow from it and not let it define who you are! You make who you are. You make your own choices, you choose your own path. Letting go of these negative clouds is soo important. I’ve seen these clouds consume and define lives and it is just not right! There is so much potential. It really breaks my heart.

We all come from somewhere, we all meet one another and inspire one another. Altough we don’t see it at the time, each one of us has an incredible effect on each other. If this one person hadn’t exposed me to this, taught me this, shown me this, experienced this with me, opened my perspectives we would not be here now. Our interests would have become stale, uninspired. This is one reason I absolutely advocate people to change their routines, move somewhere experience something new. I absolutely can not stand strong small minded opinions with no background. Dear this is what most people in small towns are like, I guess this is why I’ve always stayed in cities. What am I getting at?

webcam-toy-photo69I’ve decided to make this blog a real thing, and share some intimate details on my mind and what ideals and beliefs make the kind of artwork I make. I know a lot of people ask me why so creepy? Well, why not – and I believe most people are too rigid in their minds and when confronted with something that isn’t comfortable that they don’t understand. I don’t intend for my work to be creepy, dark and weird. It just happens. My life has touched me in a way where I can not make art that is pleasant. My work is real, every stitch, stroke, shape is from a real place. There is life in my hands, and in my work. I believe this world is so much more manageable when you open your mind to all the realities we are living in, and to open that window/ doorway. In the embedded matrix of time and space, we are meant to transform and change through every moment from one into another and another and another. Just as fractals do in nature and the sacred art of the world.
Signing off –

webcam-toy-photo77

Embry Blue

an introspective Sunday.

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